Milestones of Life
Wedding customs vary in city centre, towns and villages, but they are all close to each other. Although it is not common, marriages are arranged marriages.
How to propose
When youths turn the age of marriage, families play a great role. When a young man wants to get married , he tells this to his mother. Then, his mother starts to look for the girl. If the young man’s family find and like the girl, they go to girl’s house so that the young man and the girl can meet. If the young man likes the girl, his family asks the young girl’s family to let them get married. Then, they meet and they decide how marriage ceremony will be held while drinking Turkish coffee made by the bride.
Being Relatives and Drinking Sherbet
Another name for Promising for Wedding is “Drinking Coffee” or “Drinking Sherbet”. The young man’s family bring coffee, dried fruits, sherbet, dessert and Turkish delight with them. Both young man’s and girl’s side invite their closest relatives. Young man’s parents ask for permission for marriage.After they get the answer “Yes”, they can drink Turkish coffee and a hodja prays. The people invited are served coffee, dried fruits, sherbet, dessert and Turkish delight. The bride and groom wear their rings. They decide engage date.
Engagement Ceremony are mostly held on Saturday and Sunday in girl’s house. The relatives and neighbours are invited with invitation cards or orally. In the past time, this was done by old women. They were named “the readers”. These women used to be rewarded with butter, flour, cracked wheat and lacework. One day before the engagement ceremony, the men’s side send baklava ( a special Turkish dessert made by flour) , meat, dried fruit, sherbet and bride’s dress. On the engagement ceremony day, the people are served food. Guests present jewellery to the bride. Mother in law rings the bride. If it is religious festivals or the coming day of summer ( Hıdrellez) , gifts are sent.
The lenght of time between engagement and marriage vary to the conditions. One week before the marriage ceremony, preparations begin. They go to the shops to buy something for the bride and the ceremony.This is called as “ Pırtı Görme”. The girl’s mother and brothers are also gifted . These events are called as “ana donluğu – buying presents for bride’s mother” ; “kardeş yolluğu – buying presents for bride’s brothers”. The aim here is to honour them.
Before the ceremony begins, foods are cooked with the help of neighbours and the family sides, In the ceremony, the bride chooses his two closest friend as the bridesman. Bridesman deals with the bride. He satisfies his needs. Ceremonies begin on Friday night and last until Sunday evening. Bride and groom choose a steward. The steward deals with guests and music. And there is also flagman who holds the flag in front of the procession while going to bride’s house. When a chicken is sacrificied and a flag is hoisted on Friday night, the ceremony begins. The closest relatives visit both sides to say “Congratulations”. The bride’s family visits the grooms family.
On Saturday, hennah night is held. The groom’s side send two or three women to the bride’s house as the hennah ladies. These women bring hennah, dried fruit, meat, pies, dessert and the bride’s dress to the bride’s house. It varies but sometimes the groom’s family also send hennah night dress to the bride. A drum and clarion are also available there. The guests are served meal. Hennah ladies dress the bride and brings her to the room. They cover her face with lacework. They sing hennah songs and divines. Everybody cries during the ceremony.When it finishes, they put hennah on the bride’s hands with coins or gold. The other people also put hennah in their hands. After this, the guests are served dried fruit and lemonade. The girl kisses her mother’s hand and they cry, as well.
Guests start to dance after hennah ceremony with drums and clarions. The hennah ladies stay in bride’s house that night. They are called as the bride’s sister in law. The closest friends of the bride also stays with them. The sisters in laws apply henna to the bride again. The try not to sleep during the night. If they sleep, they are awakened with several jokes. At that night, the groom is also applied hennah. Before the hennah, the girl's family sends “damat bohçası” which includes the suit of groom, pyjamas, wallet, socks, watch to the groom..
Hennah Folk Songs
Aşağıdan gelen gardeş mola el mola
Elindeki ayva mola nar mola
Dolansam gelsem gardaş evine
Garip bacım niye geldin den mola
Anam kirmenini almış eline
Çıkmış bakmış gurbet elin yoluna
Emsallerimi görünce bağrın deline
Gurbete döndü yollarım neyleyim
Anam seni galdırırlar yurdundan
Anan baban deli olur derdinden
Gardaşların baka kalır ardından
Gardaş gelsin guşağımı bağlasın
Anama söyleyin döne döne ağlasın
Anam bir yavrusuynan gönül eğlesin
Ne deyim ağlayım kader böyle imiş
Hatladı getti eşiği
Sofrada galdı gaşığı
Büyük evlerin yakışığı
Ayrılık anam ayrılık
Gurbetlik anam gurbetlik
Elimi soktum astara
Elimi kesti testere
Gız anam mevlayı şirin göstere
Ayrılık anam ayrılık
Gurbetlik anam gurbetlik
Biri Meryem biri Asiye gelini
Gider cennet ellerinde salınır
Anam seni kaldırırlar yurdundan
Anan baban deli oluyo derdinden
Gız sana gerek bir gardaş
Ağlayasın yavaş yavaş
İki gözüm bir ciğerim gardaş
Ayrılık anam ayrılık
Gurbetlik gardaş gurbetlik
Gız sana gerek bir baba
Ağlayasın gaba gaba
İki gözüm ciğerim babam
Ayrılık babam ayrılık
Gurbetlik babam gurbetlik
Bringing The Bride
On Sunday, people farewell each other. The girl waits with his gown. The majority of groom’s family except the mother in law come and take the bride. During this process, the doors of the bride’s house are locked. The steward of the ceremony comes, gives some money to the door holders and they open the door. They go inside. The bride’s elder brother or younger brother circle a red ribbon three times around the bride’s waist with praying. The bride goes out with her father and groom. During this process, the bride’s marriage portion is also carried. The bried is taken to the car and they come to the groom’s house with an escort. When they come to the groom’s house, mother in law breaks a pot in front of the house so that the bride can get rid of her bad behaviours. She also throws money, dried fruit and candies on her head so that everything in her life can be productive. The door of the house is also oiled. The sisters in law also hold mirrors in their hand so that the bride can be fortunate and she can be saved from bad eye.
2-The Birth Customs
People in Çorum give great importance to marriage. The women who can’t give birth go to the dervish lodges to make a vow and wish.
If the tummy of the pregnant woman is peaked, she is said to have a girl. When the pregnant woman’s breasts become full of milk, milk is dashed into a glass of water. If milk spreads , she is believed to have a girl ; if not, she is believed to have a boy.
The naval cord of the baby is kept until it is dried. In the first six month the baby is bundled completely, then bundled half. In the region, the soil put under the baby is called “Öllük”.
Before the fortieth day of birth, the baby isn’t taken out. The kids who cannot talk are taken to Kapalı Dede. They drink water from a big pot. If they have a problem with their tongue they are taken to Karaözler Ocağı.
The ones who cry a lot and don’t sleep are taken to Dut Dede. They are tied to a stone and left alone for a while. Three candles are lit inside the stone.
The ones who cough continouosly are taken through coughing hole. The coughing hole is made by a big stone. Before the kids are passed through the hole, barley is laid around.
The ones whose tummies swell a lot are taken to Keberigazi. Their tummies are touched to the stones or the door. They drink tap water.
The kids who are thought to be mad are taken to grave in Aptalata village. They wear the turban of grave. They are tied to the post and they wait for 2-3 hour.
When the kid has his first tooth , “diş hediği” ceremony is held. The guests are served boiled wheat, dried fruit and fruit. The 32 piece of boiled wheat is strung and circled around the baby’s neck. Visitors bring presents to kid with them.
Another custom in Çorum is “beşik kertmesi” which means the engagement in cradle.